There Is No Cat - Losing His Cookies

Hollering into the void since 2002

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Losing His Cookies

So Cookie Monster is being forced to cut back on his cookies. Children's Television Workshop is apparently worried about the message that having a monster getting orgasmic over cookies sends to its young viewers. However, as any armchair psychoanalyst could tell you, CM is clearly suffering from an obsessive personality. With cookies no longer allowed to be a focus for this ingrained behavior, we here at There Is No Cat would like to offer the following suggestions for alternative behaviors where this tendency might be allowed to come to the fore:

Bookie Monster: CM starts playing the lottery, and this results in trips to Las Vegas, an addiction to craps, furtive calls on his cell phone during college football season, and ultimately, bankruptcy and ruin.
Hooky Monster: CM learns the joys of skipping out on class. Much detention results.
Lookie Monster: CM becomes an obsessive voyeur, peeking in the windows of the residents of Sesame Street, trying to catch them in the act. He is eventually convicted, forced to register as a sex offender, and enjoined from any contact with children.
Nookie Monster: CM becomes a sex addict. See Lookie Monster.
Wookie Monster: CM realizes his close kinship to Chewbacca. He becomes obsessed with Star Wars, attending conventions dressed up as Chewbacca and writing filk songs. Unable to integrate with straight society, he winds up homeless until Oscar the Grouch takes pity on him and lets him move into his garbage can.

Posted at 4:43 AM

Comments

Too funny :)

Posted by deb at 6:11 PM, April 15, 2005 [Link]

Jon Stewart covered this major story, declaring that this was the greatest Sesame Street behavior modification event since Smokey Monster switched to filter tips.

Posted by Barbra Ann at 1:30 PM, April 16, 2005 [Link]

Crookie Monster - Addicted to the thrill of stealing, CM turns small time hoodlum.

Posted by The XYL at 6:26 AM, April 27, 2005 [Link]

Yeah, I can see it now. It starts with shoplifting from Mr. Hooper's store and extorting Elmo's lunch money. As a teenager, he runs numbers for the mob and steals car stereos, bouncing in and out of reform homes. Unlike the students who didn't drop out, his graduation is to knocking over liquor stores. One proprietor, not so keen on being robbed for the 16th time this year, pulls out a shotgun, and takes CM out. Nobody attends his funeral.

Posted by ralph at 6:43 AM, April 27, 2005 [Link]

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"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

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