There Is No Cat

Losing His Cookies

So Cookie Monster is being forced to cut back on his cookies. Children’s Television Workshop is apparently worried about the message that having a monster getting orgasmic over cookies sends to its young viewers. However, as any armchair psychoanalyst could tell you, CM is clearly suffering from an obsessive personality. With cookies no longer allowed to be a focus for this ingrained behavior, we here at There Is No Cat would like to offer the following suggestions for alternative behaviors where this tendency might be allowed to come to the fore:

• Bookie Monster: CM starts playing the lottery, and this results in trips to Las Vegas, an addiction to craps, furtive calls on his cell phone during college football season, and ultimately, bankruptcy and ruin.
• Hooky Monster: CM learns the joys of skipping out on class. Much detention results.
• Lookie Monster: CM becomes an obsessive voyeur, peeking in the windows of the residents of Sesame Street, trying to catch them in the act. He is eventually convicted, forced to register as a sex offender, and enjoined from any contact with children.
• Nookie Monster: CM becomes a sex addict. See Lookie Monster.
• Wookie Monster: CM realizes his close kinship to Chewbacca. He becomes obsessed with Star Wars, attending conventions dressed up as Chewbacca and writing filk songs. Unable to integrate with straight society, he winds up homeless until Oscar the Grouch takes pity on him and lets him move into his garbage can.

Posted at 4:43 AM